The Two-Sided Love Coin

Wednesday October 6, 2010 The longer I live, the more I realize that life isn’t as black and white as I once thought. Sure, there are some things I’ve vowed never to compromise on, but the reality of life has hit me upside the head enough times that I’ll no longer deny the coin sometimes has two sides.

Take motherhood, for example. We love it – we eat, we live, we breathe it. But sometimes it’s daunting. It’s just hard.

On one side, that two-sided coin has emblazoned
Loving Desperation.

It drives me to ask why. Why me? Why my child?

It compels me to stand at the door with my wailing son,
anxious to pass him off to Dad.

It makes me wonder if my teen and I will ever connect the way I want us to.

It questions me, sometimes even guilts me. Am I a good mother?

And when it flips to the other side, which it so often does,
thankfully, I see written there
Desperate Love.

It drives me to stay up far too late to finish just the right costume.

It says, “No matter how many times you roll your eyes at me, I still love you!”

It forces me to sit wide awake on the couch,
waiting for the familiar hum of the car in the driveway.

It compels me to rock and bounce and sway –
whatever it takes to maintain that sweet slumber in my arms.

Loving Desperation. Desperate Love.
It’s the currency of motherhood.

Cherish it. Save it. Spend it oh-so-carefully.

Have you felt it? The loving desperation...the desperate love?

Linking up today with Emily Wierenga from in the hush of the moon. Learn more about Imperfect Prose here. Why don't you come along?

10 comments:

Jennie said...

This gave me chills! I absolutely relate to, live, and love it! It's an impossible dichotomy to try to convey, and yet you've done it.

The good thing about it, is that with prayer, the loving desperation can wane and we can enjoy the desperate love a bit more. When God designs the coin, the odds don't have to be 50/50!

Excellent post!

barbarah said...

I like that juxtaposition between loving desperation and desperate love. I never thought of it quite that way before, but, yes, I have felt both.

Victoria said...

I love it! Very true, very powerful. Great post.

Karen said...

Oh, yes, I think any parent has! Great description, Laura.

Faith said...

Great description of the desperation vs desperate love I so often experience...well written!
And I am experiencing the waiting up for the car to drive in smoothly tonite as she returns on a wet, dark nite from youth group....but..I must say, God has given me such a peace when she takes the car out....I really don't get anxious....but..i do know when I hear my car pulling into the garage, I breathe a little breath of relief :)

Brian Miller said...

nice. love how you describe that...and i feel that coin in my pocket as a dad as well...

Lisa notes... said...

Ooh, Laura. This is so good. No wonder you've written a book! You have such a beautiful way with words, not to mention the beautiful concept you are expressing here. I totally understand those two sides of the coin and sometimes wrestle between them. "The currency of motherhood." Thanks.

Carrie Burtt said...

Laura any parent can relate to this...you have captured and spoken it so eloquently...and yes i have been there...sitting...waiting...for their safe return...it is a desperate love indeed! :-)

emily wierenga said...

you've captured it here, friend... this is it. the priceless paradox of motherhood. the rocking, swaying, and the listening for the hum and the wondering, ever wondering, am i good enough for this gift?

so well captured. thank you for sharing and linking, friend. e.

alittlebitograce said...

oh i know that loving desperation so well right now. now to know the desperate love too.

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