A Ruse Overcome

Tuesday January 18, 2011


I’ve been in this place before. I recognize it.

The bars of my own making, reinforced by my friends’ good intentions and what I watched my mom do.

It looks like a good place. The neon outside screams, “Come on in here and everything will be fine.”

I’m propelled forward by well-wishers (and a few know-it-alls). Their words sound reassuring: “This worked for me and all my friends.” “The baby will sleep all night if you do.” “It’s the only way you’ll get any rest … or be happy …or keep your marriage strong … or –“

I look up, and the roar subsides. I see a sliver of light, but two barriers keep the sun from washing over me.

The first is crafted of expectation. The hurdle hangs there, blocking the light. I look closely at it and it looks familiar. It’s fashioned from materials that have my initials on them. There’s a friend’s name, too, and that of another acquaintance. The blockade is well-made and lovely, formed of good intentions, but regardless, it’s blocking the light.

I catch a glimpse of the second barrier, just beyond, made of mirrors. It’s emblazoned with an image of … me? I squint and, with a shake of my head, realize it is me, but the image is distorted. I search for the light and feel its warmth on my face. That warmth echoes back to the mirror, and the image changes. The sun on my face shows an image that is true. Real.

I close my eyes, reveling in the sun. A thunderous crash startles me, but I’m not afraid. The barriers are gone. There are no more bars.

I step forward with the Son on my face. And by my side.

Yesterday I wrote about expectations, and today I'm waxing poetic about them.

Linking up today with On, In and Around Mondays and Soli Deo Gloria.

The Trap

Monday January 17, 2011

I'm a Dickens fan with the rest of them, but don't let his title fool you. Expectations are not always great. Too often, especially for moms, expectations are a trap.

Motherhood is great and wonderful, but there’s an awful lot of the reality of motherhood that is NOT easy and, let’s face it, not really wonderful.

I posted a poem -- a verse, really -- last Friday. Here it is again:

"I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
than twine a chain of diamonds about my [carefree] head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise." (Meredith Gray)

I won't deny it. If given a choice of only one thing to do in life, I really think I'd choose to be a mother.

But that doesn't mean it's easy or idyllic.

Some of us have an easier time than others with the infant stage or the toddler stage or the teen stage. And that's where expectations creep in.

For example, I figure this should be as easy for me as it is for Ashley over there. It's not, so I must be doing something wrong. The lack of confidence creeps in, begins to take over, and Mom Guilt ensues.

In my head I have expectations, and I'm not meeting them. It's at this point that we moms need to realize we're not necessarily doing things wrong. Expectations have distorted our view.

Expectations say, "I have this all figured out. I know how it should go, and on what timetable." We have the baby book or the letter from Mom or the email from a well-meaning friend tightly clenched in our hands, and we can't just can't surrender it.

But peace only comes when you look past the expectations -- yours or someone else's -- to the One who's holding out His hand. So, open that tightly clenched fist and offer it to the One who loves you and your child more than anyone else.

He offers peace in the midst of the expectation trap. His truth will shine a light on that ruse and guide you out of it.

I'm going to wax poetic about expectations tomorrow -- and the way out of the trap. If you like that kind of thing, be sure to stop by.

What about you? Can you remember an expectation you held tightly to? How did you find your way free?

Great Expectations: Welcome to My Book

Wednesday July 21, 2010

Great expectations.

Don’t be fooled. Expectations are not always great. Too often, especially for moms, expectations are a trap.

The first chapter of my book is called Great Expectations because the possibilities I envisioned were great and wonderful ones. Now, motherhood is great and wonderful, but there’s an awful lot of the reality of motherhood that is NOT easy and, let’s face it, not really wonderful.

It’s so much harder than you ever thought it would be. (This is probably a good thing. If we knew what we were getting into before we got into it, the human race would probably be significantly smaller.)

Most of us enter motherhood with expectations about our baby’s gender or health or temperament. I saw some of my expectations come crashing down pretty quickly when Boy #1 had colic. He was not what I expected. (Note: He’s a joy now – has made up for it over and again!)

And there’s the multiple boy thing – I really did think I’d have a girl somewhere along the way! Just a smattering of pink, please. But no.

What about birth experiences? How many of us planned to go natural only to wake up with a baby and an incision to heal from?

Whether we’re boy moms or girl moms, our experiences meld together at some point, don’t they? We all share expectations for and about our children. This chapter talks about how to deal with expectations – how to escape their trap and replace expectations with trust.

Curious about chapter two? Be sure to check back next Wednesday for a preview of The Magnet Syndrone (aka Sibling Rivalry).