Take Your Stand

Wednesday February 9, 2010

As parents, we have big decisions to make.

What will my child be exposed to? Books, media, online opportunities…what do I want to make available to my child?

And we must make those decisions – or they’ll be made for us.

Parents who are on the same page provide the strongest, most united front, so discussing these things with your spouse is crucial.

And once you’ve taken your stand, I say, “Hold on.”

Our children are ours to raise; they don’t belong to their friends or our friends or to the culture at large. So don’t let those groups pressure you into things you know aren’t healthy for your kids.

You’re the parent. Be the parent.

It may not be the popular position, but it’s really a position of love. Your kids may not see that now, but they will, one day.

On one hand, I have to appeal to your sense of boundaries, but on the other, I know flexibility is important, too. Your kids grow; they mature. They’re ready to see and read and talk about things they couldn’t process two years ago. So let them.

But be there. Watch with them. Discuss what they see and read. In my chapter on Media and Boys in I’m Outnumbered, I quote E.M. Forster: “Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.” If all you do is lay down the law and dictate but you never discuss, how do you expect your kids to learn to discern on their own? They’ll leave your home with a list of yeses and nos, but they won’t understand the why or how.

So, take your stand. United. In love.
Go with them as they grow, and help them learn to discern.

Have you found it hard to take your stand -- and to maintain it? What did you do?

Media in a Young Man's Life: Welcome to My Book

Tuesday August 24, 2010
Chapter 7, Media in a Young Man’s Life, isn’t simply a list of what your son should or shouldn’t watch or listen to. Instead, this chapter encourages moms to teach their sons how to discern.

British novelist E.M. Forster wrote, “Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.” If we spoon feed our sons in terms of media choices, where will they be when they leave home? What we want is to somehow teach them to discern between wise and unwise choices.

Reading is the perfect place to start. When we discern, we determine the true nature of something. When we read, we cut to the heart of the teaching. Why does the character say that? What does he mean? Why is he going there? If we can teach our sons to think about the worth of a story or its characters or its lessons, when they’re faced with media choices, they will likely apply the same measuring stick. You say your son is a reluctant reader? This chapter also includes some hints from Sigmund Brouwer, author of high-interest series for boys.

Chapter 7 discusses early exposure to media, how to use the news as a family, and how to consider the family mix. Even though the book doesn’t list titles your sons should and shouldn’t see, I came across some great lists as I did research for the book. In the appendix, there’s a section called Reading, Media and Technology that will give you some very specific ideas (including titles) that can provide entertainment and teaching moments for your boys.

On Thursday, I’ll be previewing Chapter 8, Growing Respect. This chapter was originally entitled How to Treat a Lady, but it grew to be about so much more. That same respect that boys will accord a young lady begins very early and stretches across age and gender. If you’re interested in hearing more about Growing Respect, be sure to come back on Thursday.