The Family That Eats Together...

Monday November 22, 2010


The family that eats together…

…talks together?

…fights together?

…laughs together?

All the above and more.

My oldest loves to tell his favorite family dinner story. It may be one of those "You had to be there" stories, but I'll give it a shot. Jonathan says he was in high school, which means he was well-acquainted with the expected family etiquette. Dinner was always a fun, lively time, but Mom had no tolerance for belching and other bodily function noises at the dinner.

During a lull in the dinnertime conversation, a big, huge honkin' belch emitted from the smallest member of the family...Benjamin, who was probably six at the time. It reduced his three big brothers to belly laughs and guffaws, and I wondered if we'd ever be able to resume our meal.

What did I do? I'm sure I said in a warning tone, "Guys..." (I spent a lot of time saying "Guys," always with that dot, dot, dot, and in that tone.) But the moment had taken over and my efforts were to no avail.

I've got gratitude on the mind, and believe it or not, it's this kind of memory I'm grateful for. I'm glad the boys remember dinner as a fun time. I'm glad we made the effort (and it was often a herculean effort) to have dinner together, as a family.

Family meals aren’t always perfect – I’m sure we all have stories! But regularly eating together serves as an anchor for a family. Granted, we may not always eat right, kids may bicker, and parents may be preoccupied with the events of the day. But when it works, the family takes off on an idea, an argument is taken apart, and thoughts are shared in a safe place.

And it isn’t all about the food. Robin Fox, an anthropologist at Rutgers, says, “If it were just about food, we would squirt it into their mouths with a tube. A meal is about civilizing children. It’s about teaching them to be a member of their culture.”

What are the benefits of the shared family meal?

• It provides stability. Home needs to be a place they feel loved and secure. Order helps to provide the stability. Knowing the family will gather together each night provides a much-needed anchor.
• It improves communication. Most of us talk while we eat. Often kids share things casually over a meal. Family mealtime can be a time to unwind, to decompress from the day’s events.
• It relieves stress. There’s something about sitting around a table together, sharing a meal. Taking time to eat together forces you to slow down. Laughter happens – and all of this alleviates stress.
• It builds tradition. It’s a small ritual, but a ritual the same. Something expected, relied upon. It’s a family gathering, a time to come together – all in the same room, minus electronic devices. (By the way, if your family meals aren’t a phone-free, TV-free, ipod-free zone, make it happen. Those times will be much more conducive to family bonding without all those devices.)

You haven’t exactly bought into this tradition in your family? Take heart! Studies show that family dinner gets better with practice. Researchers say the less often a family eats together, the worse the experience will be. So, start practicing – on a regular basis.

Maybe you can begin by enjoying this Thanksgiving Dinner together, and use that as a starting point.

Start – or strengthen – your family meal times. You’re making a big investment in your family’s future.

Do you have some ideas for making family mealtimes work -- or a great family mealtime story? Share with us!

Growing Respect: Welcome to My Book

Thursday August 26, 2010

How do you grow respect in your sons? Well, we have to plant the seeds of respect and nurture them all along the way. Chapter 8, Growing Respect, gives you practical ideas of how to accomplish just that.

We want our sons to be respectful young men. We want them to value young ladies and treat them with dignity. But how do we accomplish that? It takes more than a crash course in dating, for respect grows from a wellspring deep inside.

I’m convinced that our sons need a three-fold sense of respect. They need to respect authority, they need to respect themselves, and they need to respect others. This chapter gives hints for fostering all three kinds of respect.

Of course, modeling respect for our sons plays into the picture. And Dad’s respect for Mom speaks volumes, too, to the boys in your home. In addition, there are things we can do – activities we can involve our sons in – that help foster respect for others. Placing them in activities with people who are different from them, spending time with other generations, getting involved with a team – these kinds of things teach children how to respect people who may be different and reinforce the value of others.

The value of manners as a code of behavior for boys is addressed in this chapter, too. And ideas for encouraging healthy boy-girl relationships are included. The chapter ends with some advice on being the Mother of the Groom – something all of us boy moms are going to be someday.

Respect is the basis for so much in life. It’s important for us to make it priority in our homes.

Next week, I’ll preview the last two chapters of the book. I’m Outnumbered officially releases on August 31st, so I’m working up to the official launch day by giving you a sample of chapters 9 and 10 on Tuesday and Wednesday. So, come on back next week and celebrate with me!