Your Challenging Child

Tuesday May 3, 2011

There he sits, waiting you out.
You've said, "You can't get down until..." and he's waiting to see if you really mean it.

Some would call him obstinate, even stubborn -- and that may be true.

I wrote about Your Compliant Child last week and very few people commented. And it did dawn on me that there are those who don't have a complaint child...and those who find every day a bit of a challenge right now.

I tell a story in I'm Outnumbered about this very battle of wills; this incident was a real eye-opener for me.

My son's preschool had a drive-through pickup; they shepherded the little ones into a waiting area and popped them efficiently into the car. One day I stopped to pick up my son and the teacher approached the car alone. She smiled and asked, "Can you park and come in for just a minute?"

Oh, no.
What had he done?

I parked and walked into the classroom, fearing the worst. The sweet teacher proceeded to explain to me that it was Circle Time and my son was called repeatedly to leave the play area. When the teacher walked over and reminded him (using the usual preschool jargon) that "we choose to obey," he looked up and replied calmly, "I choose to disobey."

Oh, my.
A knot formed in my throat and, in my mind's eye, I saw his future; I thought he was bound for the life of a criminal. I choose to disobey?

Maybe it's just me, but at such times I can never stop the mom tears from pooling in my eyes.

We talked through the problem and discussed how to address this at home, and that sweet preschool teacher prayed with me.

As I turned to go, she caught me by the arm and uttered words that were a salve to my soul. "Being stubborn isn't always a bad thing, you know. We just need to channel that. Someday he'll need to be stubborn for the right things."

We want our children to stand strong for the right things; we hope to foster a firmness and determination for what's right as they grow.

And what about me? When I list what I'm stubborn for and about...am I obstinate about what really matters?

Or do I just sit, waiting it out -- for what I really want?


Linking up with Jen at Finding Heaven Today for Soli deo Gloria. Click on over and come along with us!

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A Story to Start the Week: Another Ordinary Day in Momdom #2

February 8, 2010

Just another ordinary day for this Mom. Once again, time to put Baby Bear in the carseat and drive to pick up Bear #2, who was four years old. He’d been doing so well in preschool, adjusting to new teachers and friends. Bear #2 was my stubborner one – I guess you’d say he came by the red hair honestly.

I drive through the pick up line, and wait to be greeted by a smiling teacher with Bear #2 in tow. She has a sweet smile on her face but a knowing, sympathetic look in her eye as she says, “Can you park and come in? We need to talk.”

Uh oh.

So I do. I grab the baby and we go into the building, where Bear #2 and his preschool teacher are sitting. She smiles and says, “I just need to share something with you and ask your help in reinforcing obedience.”

Uh oh.

It seems it was Circle Time. You know, everybody to the circle. Bear #2 was enjoying playing in a big box far too much to head to the circle, so he was reminded with, “Come, please. Remember, we choose to obey.”

His preschool teachers had been reminding the children that obedience is a choice, and even at four, we need to make wise choices. “I choose to obey” was what she wanted to hear.

But Bear #2 looked at her and said sweetly and evenly, “I choose to disobey.”

I was appalled. All I could see in my mind’s eye was Bear #2 in a lineup picture, wearing stripes for the rest of his life.

I mean, it’s one thing to say, “No.” But I choose to disobey? In my mom’s mind, that made my sweet four-year-old sound like a career criminal.

The teacher patted my hand and smiled again. Then she said wisely, “Being stubborn isn’t a bad thing. We just need to teach our children what to be stubborn for. That determination will serve them well when they’re adults, when they stand firm for what is right.”

Wise words, and a balm to this mom! Blessings on that preschool teacher.

As I buckled Bear #2 in, he said, “I love you, Mommy.” Everything glistened as I drove home with motherlove in my heart and wise words tucked away for later.