When Mom Loses It: The SIBLING RIVALRY!

Tuesday June 24, 2014 

I heard that too familiar sound again…boys bickering in the living room.

Chances are you’ve heard it, too.

And what’s the fighting about?

Probably something that’s not too important in your world, but it’s obviously at the top of a boy’s list.

Summer is so nice – having no school schedule, time together. But sometimes that can lead to too much togetherness. Toes get stepped on, tempers flare, brothers bicker.

What to do? Here are some of my favorite strategies.

• “Divide and Conquer.” Just get them doing something different—apart for a few minutes. Change the focus. 

• More Mom Time. If you look and listen closely, you may be able to figure out that one of the boys just needs a little more Mom Time. Sit down and play cars with him, read a book, do something with just one for a minute. 

• Time to Talk. You may just need to talk it out. Let the boys have a say; try to find out what’s really going on. They’ll feel better that they had a hearing, and you may learn something new! Teach them a new negotiating skill. Rock Paper Scissors is a big hit at our house. Once in a while, I even hear our adult sons say, “Okay, let’s settle this. Rock Paper Scissors.” It’s kind of like flipping a coin, but much more fun. And for some fun, you can even learn the game by pitting yourself against a computer here. 

The boys’ battleground can be disheartening for a mom. I’ve always said, “I don’t want anyone to hurt one of my sons – especially another one of my boys!”

But it’s important to remember that all our boys’ experiences are training for the larger picture of life. These are teachable moments that can help our boys learn about conflict management. They’ll need those lessons long after they step out from under our roof.

Proverbs 17:17 tells us, “A friend loves at all time, and a brother is born for adversity.” I know that’s what I want – brothers that will be there for each other in good times and bad. But that doesn’t happen magically; we have to train them toward that.

Don’t give up, Mom. We all endure those times of sibling rivalry, and they can light a mom’s angst if we’re not careful.

Instead, take a moment. Delve a bit deeper.
De-escalate by talking, playing, teaching. 

Turn them into teachable moments, and you’ll all be happier.

Step Outside the Me Zone

Wednesday June 19, 2013

To me, summer = freedom.

No daily schedule, no homework, no deadlines for the kids.

But that can get old pretty quick.

In fact, it can degenerate into a total Me Fest.

Time for me! Let’s do what I want to do!

And with a couple of kids in the mix, they rarely want to do the same thing and then…. yes, sibling rivalry rears its ugly head.

One distraction from the Me Obsession that so often leads to sibling rivalry is to get the kids on the same team, working toward the same goal.

I found an awesome link that can help you do just that:
100 Ways to Give Back over Summer Break.

It’s quite a list, but don’t let that discourage you. Start small. Choose one thing for this week. Or pick five and have the family vote on one. Then add more activities as you go along.

Step outside the Me Zone with your kids this summer – find a way to give back.

Linking up with Beth for Wedded Wednesday.

Photo credit

Why can't we all just get along?

Wednesday January 9, 2013

That familiar question flashed through my mind as I settled what seemed like the fiftieth dispute of the morning. Surrounded by bickering boys, I wondered if they'd EVER get along.

Was the argument important? I certainly didn't think so. Looking back, so many of those insignificant conflicts were teaching moments. And I tried to teach important lessons.

Did it work? Well, I won't take credit. I say it's by the grace of God that the brother bond is strong now. Oh, sure they disagree. They kid each other over PC vs. Mac, "i" vs. Droid...and sometimes one will say, "I'm tired of that. It's funny the first time but not anymore. Back off, okay?" It's neat to watch the other respond with, "Sorry, bro. I was just kidding. Didn't realize it bothered you." And they move on.

I pray that sticks, all throughout life.

What can a mom do to help that process, to strengthen the bond between siblings? I humbly offer some suggestions today over at The MOB Society, where I write for the moms of boys.

I'd love to hear what you think.

What worked for you and your siblings -- or you and your kids?

Sibling Rivalry!

Tuesday July 24, 2012



It can drive a boy mom crazy.

With a passel of boys in the house, the potential for a good breakout of sibling rivalry is always there. Especially in the long days of summer.

Looking for some practical hints to help you deal with sibling rivalry?

I'm posting over at The MOB Society -- a special place for mothers of boys. (Have a girl or two? These suggestions work for boys and girls!)

Come on over and the MOB Society for more on dealing with sibling rivalry!

Little Bits of Sanity for Boy Moms

Wednesday July 27, 2011

Blocks flying, trucks careening over boy-made ramps, brothers wrassling. And not just once in a while…it’s constant chaos.

Moments of quiet send up a red flag immediately. Something has to be wrong… or someboy is cooking something up.

When you have four boys, all three years apart, this is your life. Punctuated, of course, with a trip or two to the ER. And sometimes, it just gets to be too much.

How to survive? Find little bits of sanity.

Settle for little bits—they don’t have to be chunks, or days full of sanity. (That’s pretty unrealistic, anyway.)

Some ideas?

1. “Let’s all go outside!” A little space, a little fresh air sometimes works wonders. At least the sound disperses so they’re not as loud as they are inside the four walls.

2. “It’s bath time.” A change of scenery just helps sometimes, and sometimes separation is necessary! I’ve put the younger one in the tub and sat in the doorway between him and older brother, playing cars in the hallway, waiting his turn.

3. “I’ll bet I can get these books all put up before you guys get the Legos back in the bucket.” A challenge—boys against Mom! Before they know it, they’re working together.

4. Naptime / Quiet time. For all the boys and Mom, too. When some gave up their naps, we still had “quiet time on the bed.” Books, Adventures in Odyssey cds, pirate figures, whatever works to give the big one (and Mom) some quiet. The dishes, the laundry—it all calls to you, but it’s a great time for Mom to catch a breather, too.

Quiet time doesn’t come naturally to most boys, so we have to be intentional about introducing it. And it’s not just for us. Think about it; it’s a skill they’ll need at church, at school, waiting in an adult situation. Kids should be able to entertain themselves with a book (and without an electronic device) or their imagination!

Mom, whether you have boys, girls, or a combination, how do you find little bits of sanity in your day?

Teaching our Kids to Love Each Other

Thursday February 17, 2010

Sibling rivalry – the bane of a mom’s existence. I’m sure it’s bad no matter what the combination, but when you have a bunch of boys, there’s potential for quite a ruckus.

So how do we teach our boys to love each other?

Research suggests that family provides the best safety net, even later in life. How do we raise our boys so they can be that net for each other?

To read more, click on over to the Mother of Boys Society. I'm writing there today.